The H1N1 scare has just escalated into a whole new dimension. So much, in fact, that the World Health Organization (WHO) has pushed its status up from "Global Pandemic" to "Annoying". Gone are the days of them sitting around doing nothing while fooling the world into believing that they were searching for a cure for AIDS.
It was a cold afternoon, and I had to walk to the bus stop in the middle of a hurricane (okay, a light drizzle. In Malaysia, they are almost the same thing). I went into the bus and it did not take me long to notice that the bus driver has set the air conditioning at "arctic" level.
I could not take it. My nose twitched; I sucked in a deep breath and let out a mighty sneeze. It was as though the earth has stood still - the passengers in the bus went silent and stared at me in utter horror. I suddenly had a very disturbing image of me burning at the stake.
Then I started to wonder: why pigs? Nature could have evolved a simple crocodile into a monstrous, flesh-consuming, scaly, mighty beast (also known as a crocodile), but no! The deadliest phenomenon of the new millennium since SARS had to come from pigs! I can imagine the angels in the Deadly Pandemic Department in heaven giving each other a high-five, saying, "Yes! We did it again!"
Just think about it: The deadly incurable virus called HIV was transferred through sex; and more recently, the bird flu, has sent civilians running away in terror in all directions from a dead, harmless, skinless chicken in the wet market.
You know, I can come up with a few more suggestions for the angels up on high: cotton candy; anchovies; coconuts; traffic cones; designer label clothes and credit cards.
The credit card cut pandemic. Be afraid; be very afraid.
Lame is the new cool; believe it! The dictionary's definition of the word "lame" is 'to make a person or an animal unable to walk properly', and the world "cool" is defined as 'a temperature that is comfortably cold'.
The formality aside, the new-and-improved 21st century teenagers' revised dictionary defines "lame" as 'appalingly, irritably, immensely unfunny' while "cool" is defined as 'extremely crude, vulgar and insensitive; but I love it!'
Yes, try it! Tell a joke to any teenager; you will get three possible responses: "lame", "cool"; or he will simply stare at you with eyes and mouth half open, back hunched a little and arms hanging lazily at his sides, the new sign language for, "Go shoot yourself and spare the world of some lameness, if your intelligence allows you to do so"
It is true, as crazy as it sounds. I was telling this joke to a class once, "What did the cow say to her daughter?" I paused, waiting for them to give a wild guess. Then one of them pipped in, " 'Moo'? "
This sent the class into a full minute of self-slapping, uncontrollable laughter. "Incorrect," I said when the class has finally calmed down, "The cow said, 'Have more milk - You'll need it!' "
They looked at me, waiting for the punchline. The problem was that I have already said it.
Now I had better wrap up this writing and go into hiding before the class finds me and sets me on fire, or give me the "shoot yourself" look; whichever kills me faster.
You have no idea what I had to go through just to create a name for this blog.
Obviously it would be quite strange (not to mention confusing) if I were to name this blog jelly.chia or jellychia or chiajelly or cheahjanli (sorry, couldn't resist) because it sounds too much like the other one I have, so I decided to go with something more professional: my own name.
So I tried one that has worked for me all this while: zhenyee; and to my surprise, it was already taken! I opened a new window to check out who is that person who has taken my oh-so-original name, and it turned out to be some person who only had ONE post, and that was back in 2006. Waste of space; geez.
Then I tried going conventional and using my Chinese name: zhenye; and the results came out: "sorry, this username is unavailable."
Outrageous! Preposterous! Absolutely unthinkable! Which dim-witted vermin has taken even my Chinese name as a username?! I typed in the url, and it led me to a blog that was totally in Japanese. Grumbling, I went back to the "Create a blog" page and tried one final resort, to my utmost embarrassment, the name Jozy (Jo-zhenye; geddit?).
Well guess what? This time, the person who so casually took that username did not even have a single post on the blog! Cursing the stars, cows, and just about anything, I typed in my next suggestion without thinking: "Zyng (sounds a lot like Zing; well...)". And even THAT one was taken!
...
Finally I settled with something easy to remember and to understand; at the same time saying all that it needs to say. I tell you this, I WILL hurt the next person who takes my identity away.
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